Well hello, overly trusting stranger!

Scene: Study lounge. Picture luxurious leather sofas, overstuffed arm chairs with ottomans, plush carpet and a grand piano. Now erase this image from your memory because it looks nothing like this. More like dirty old chairs with tearing fabric, coffee-stained carpet, and coffee tables with names scratched into them. But there is a grand piano.

So I go into the study lounge and see a friend across the room. Okay, great, I’m officially not going to get any studying done. I sit down across from her and then we chat quietly and courteously. There is only one other person in the room – a young man who has brought his entire life with him to the study lounge. An entire six-person table is occupied by his TWO water bottles, a backpack, multiple textbooks and spirals, and his laptop, mousepad, and wireless mouse. And his ipod and cell phone, along with cell phone charger. All of these items are in plain view of us and anyone who should happen to come in. So we’re peacefully studying, and this kid gets up and leaves. And takes nothing with him. Not his tiny ipod that could easily fit in someone’s pocket. Not his textbooks that could be hawked at the co-op for a small fortune. And, notably, not his LAPTOP. Now, granted, my friend and I look far from shady but seriously?? Do you REALLY trust us that much? This kid left the room for TWENTY minutes, the whole time completely entrusting his livelihood to two complete strangers. AND, to top it off, he came back but then left again a second time for another ten minutes. I can’t really understand someone being this trusting of strangers. He will most likely pay for his complete faith in other people later in life.

Also, on a small tangent…a grand piano in a study lounge? Really, people? I can think of only one major obstacle to studying…and that is noise. And they have brought the obstacle to the place of studying! Amateur piano players are free to sit down at any time and just play their little hearts out, regardless of skill level or number of people attempting to study. What purpose is this piano supposed to serve? Are people supposed to hear the piano and become jovial, happy to hear such beautiful music while studying? Doubtful. Perhaps its for that one high school piano prodigy who didn’t get into Juliard but still needs affirmation of his talent. A captive audience is just the ticket!

Cool, you have keys, do you want a cookie?

Why must we all be subjected to listening to how many keys you have? Damn the fucking keys that hang from the belt loops with that metal clasp that jingles across the whole damn world and directly into my ear while I’m trying to live my life…cool,you have keys…a lot of keys, like a janitor…wow, that’s great, but shhhh… tuck those damn jingle bells in your damn pocket before I punch you in your damn throat.
* Side Note: This clasp is used with rock climbing gear. I don’t really know why some think that is okay to, oh you know, put all 8 zillion keys they found on a piece of rock climbing equipment and then proceed further to just latch that shit onto their penis pants, and call themselves “Oh you know I’m just indie, thats just me.” EXCUSE ME??… I’m sorry but penis pants are NOT a harness for climbing an effing rock. Please return that equipment to the rightful owners and stop pretending like that’s where it is supposed to be.

The attachment of jingle bells to your pants, are you serial….this behavior is so typical of the strange “Indie” culture that is taking over our damn hometown, eating its original, diverse nature all up like mold on a sandwich.

Austin is not “Indie.” Austin is everything, not just one thing. The slogan “Keep Austin Weird” does not mean Keep Austin Indie or Keep Austin Hippie or Keep Austin Cool Only For Just One Certain Way of Life. “Indie” Scenesters, (who I suspect are closely related to the sucky mean clique that came before them known as the “Emo Kids”) please stop trying to do the opposite of keeping it weird by trying to make it all the same in terms of people. You obviously don’t understand, and are giving Austin AND Indie music a bad name…so you should probaby just move away ASAP.  And take your jingle bell keys with you. Thank you.

Penis Pants

I’ve got you hooked, do I not?

Penis pants are becoming a huge problem, in Austin and elsewhere, though I imagine the problem is much larger in Austin due to the large emo, indie, and “underground” population crawling around the UT campus. Penis pants are simple – pants that are so tight that you can make out every curve and nook of the penis (and balls if you’re really lucky) of the person wearing them.

This phenomenon is confusing. What is that mysterious bulge…why, is that your genitalia? Why do you want me to see your penis? Are you that proud of it? This trend has gotten really popular in the “emo” style of clothing. Often times it is the result of guys wearing pants tailored for girls. The pants weren’t designed to accommodate a penis. Therein lies the problem.

Listen, if you’re so proud of your penis, cut the crotch out of your pants and just let it breathe. Otherwise, please GTFO and wear pants that are made for boys.

Indie Music Scenesters: Indie or Just Emo Kids in Disguise?

Today I was in my class, and the teacher told us that our class time today would be time for us to discuss what we thought about all the members of the class over the semester. My friend Anna and I sit in the back of the class and quietly await the ending of the class each Tuesday and Thursday while all the other students interact with each other, so naturally we were not pleased with this idea… I was thinking things like “I dont give a shit,” “Why would I care what all these freaks think about me,” “Why would I want to dedicate an hour and a half of my life talking about each student in the class”… Anna and I were both extremely irritated with this idea of how to use our time. We were plotting an escape, but never came up with a good enough plan, so we were forced to endure this spectacle of freaks talk about each other and themselves. I was forming a million opinions without much information (like Louis CK) but I didn’t say much, because I just really don’t care. ANYWAYS this girl in my class, she’s pretty cute, her name is Faye, she is a theater major, and what I would classify as an “Emo kid,” mind you that “Kid” at the end of Emo is an insinuation of her poserness, you know the ones that really really wish they were interested in cool music, but in real life they listen to like… mmmmm… the backstreet boys, maybe some nickleback, perhaps some t-pain… I hope you follow, because Austin is just crawling with these “Emo Kids.”. ANYWAYS, I was sitting there in my seat, pissed already that I had to listen to this crap. “WHO GIVES A SHIT??!!” ran through my mind at least a zillion times. The teacher had invited a group of 5 students at a time to come to the front of the class so she could ask them some general questions about themselves. As she went down the line with the question “What kind of music do you think ____ listens to?” she got to Faye, and I whispered to my friend Anna, “Oh god I bet she’s gunna say something so emo, and then I’m gunna have to go get her a fucking tissue so she can wipe her damn tears because she’s such an emo kid…”
Teacher: What kind of music do you think Faye listens to?”
Class: “Hansen” was shouted by the annoying frat guy who sits in the front of the fucking class, and thinks he doesn’t ever have to raise his damn hand like the rest of us do.
(Keep in mind, there are few sightings of such “Emo Kids” in Nacogdoches, considering the majority of the student body are either trailer trash, girls who came to college to “be in a sorority and find my husband” , trashy sorry excuses for frat guys, and athletes.)
Faye: *Giggle Giggle* (her face transformed into a snooty patootie grin, tight lips, and one eye brow raised, as if she was about to say something really interesting…. I knew better though, I knew she was not going to say anything interesting) “No, actually, I listen to Indie-underground music” *Class was not really interested anyways they are all country, and don’t know what Indie means. They started conversations amongst themselves, as I listened closely to her next choice of useless words* “…like postal service.”
-First of all, I’m pretty sure postal service has a song on a fucking M&M commercial that airs nationally. I have no idea where Faye got the idea that they were “underground”…. Second of all, this whole thing just made me not like her… She would have been a lot better off if she would have just not said anything at all, and I would have continued to make a judgment about her with no information at all.

“Pick your favorite and delete the rest.”

Genevieve: Please notice the guy taking over my wall…i don’t know how to politely end the wall to walls! is there a rule system? some sort of etiquette? it’s getting out of hand! i wanna be like, “stop writin on my wall mayne!” but i KNOW thats against the rules.

Hill: HAHAHA I did see that he did that, I was like WHOA! Vieve’s got a bf! If you want him to stop just delete all but one of his comments, he will get the message…. thats what I do when someone writes on my wall too much in a row, just pick your fave comment and delete the rest! Facebook does not equal utter social choas or the acceptance of ignorance in regard to social norms, if that fool called you that many times, and let you that many messages on your voice mail… what would you do?

mmmhuhmmm… that’s right, cut him off. This behavior shall not be praised, under any circumstances .

Facebook Stalking= Abe Foockt Al’s king= Really Really WeirT

I have noticed a decline in real interaction and person to person conversations taking place among facebook users and their friends these days, all because the internet, via facebook, has made it socially acceptable to do what is informally known as “Facebook Stalking”… This removes all incentive to hang out with friends so you can see them, talk, catch up, see what they have been doing and so on, because if at some point a person has the urge to be informed of any of the above questions applicable to a friend, the urge is nothing a good ol’ “Facebook Stalking” session won’t satisfy. Any remaining questions can be answered through a text message, again avoiding hearing another person’s actual voice.

Apparently it’s now okay to have a virtual friendship with most people you know without ever really seeing them or talking to them. Friends can even stay great friends without ever having to see or talk to each other because they can just look at any given friend’s facebook page and see everything everyone they know has been/will be/wants to be/and currently is doing – all with a story told through pictures that have been taken of that person throughout their usage of facebook, allowing members of facebook to obtain visuals of virtually every possible facial expression a facebook friend could ever possibly make.

I mean, really. People can even look on facebook and see what a person is doing at that exact moment through facebook “status.” That’s right, this has a link that says: “What are you doing right now?” After filling out the information, it says “John Smith is eating dinner and chillin.” Then that status is posted on every one of John’s facebook friends’ News Feeds(the homepage/ first page viewed when any given member of facebook logs in).

What? What the fuck? Why would I want to tell everyone I have ever met what I am doing right now? I wouldn’t, so no thank you Mr. Facebook Status. NOT TO MENTION the bullshit overload gathered from Facebook’s “NEWS FEED” that provides members with a scrolling list of events that have taken place in peoples lives each day.

I sign in and am suddenly forced into becoming informed , without asking or caring, that distant acquaintance #1 and distant acquaintance # 2 are no longer listed in a relationship<<< accompanied by a little red broken heart? Really? Really?

Does the world today deem it necessary that I know about every break up? Without even engaging in a conversation with the people involved in the break up, without being of any form of support to these recently separated individuals, all I need to do is log in and I get to already know if someone’s relationship status has changed without so much as thinking about that person and typing their name into the search box to look and see if they are still with their girlfriend/ boyfriend.

Shit, Acquaintance # 1 and #2 are people I don’t even know all that well in the first place, just went to a few parties together and they asked for my friendship for the sole reason of tagging me in the embarrassing pictures they took of me while I was drunk at a party.

-I’m sorry but are you the paparazzi? No, no you’re not, you’re just a person who I thought was normal but turned out to be merely a social stranger who I giggled with a few times one night, who took really inappropriate pics of me and proceeded to… with no warning…meanly post them on the internet like a freak. But I don’t care or have a long enough attention span to go search you on my friends list and delete you out of my life forever…. Then, two years later, to my dismay, I am forced to be subjected to your personal problems that are of zero relevance to anything in my life.

WHY?? Why didn’t I delete you when I had the chance?? Damn you to hell, mean, drunken picture posting, crazy person, DAMN YOU stupid NEWS FEED, and damn you straight to heaven you wandering eye balls for seeing and reading that worthless piece of information!!!

My real problem is with the recently developed social expectation of the acknowledgment of the News Feed.

Example:

“Suzy and I are friends on facebook, so there is no way Suzy didn’t know that me and Bobby broke up, it was on her news feed. I can’t believe that slut would write that on his wall, she did it just to make me jealous. What a fucking betch, I’m totally taking moving her from slot 12 to slot 37 on my top friends list.” << All this happened because Suzy didn’t see the news feed post because she has ADD and only gets on facebook to do one thing in order to avoid becoming distracted for the next 48 hours in facebook world. Suzy didn’t see the News Feed Clip, and didn’t even think to look at Bobby’s relationship status (because that would lead to other curiosity) and has now had her identity slaughtered to sluthood, accused of being a malicious person who would do something for the sole reason of making another person angry, jealous, or inflict them with painful feelings, called a “fucking betch”, and degraded from slot # 12 to slot # 36 suddenly by all 11 of the girls she has been best friend’s with since Pre-k. Coincidence? I think not…. They all got mad at her for writing on Bobby’s wall 30 minutes after him and Suzy ended their facebook relationship, disregarding that maybe some people do not indulge in “Facebook stalking” and the comment left on Bobby’s wall would be of no consequence if Suzy and the other 11 girls would stop assuming that just because it’s on facebook that everyone knows about it!

Newest Socially Acceptable Trend of my Generation: It’s on Facebook and highlighted for you in the News Feed, so everyone knows about it!

This poses a huge problem for someone like me who only gets the idea to get on facebook when something (usually silly) pops into my head, something that is too short to call about. I try with all my might to successfully secure my mission first, before my microscopic attention span allows me to almost immediately become distracted by something around me and forget about all the things I was forced to see when I logged in via the News Feed that I briefly considered coming back to inspect more closely before something else in the room or on the computer distracted me. This usually leads to my ultimate disengagement in the website all together, because if before I get on, I have a goal, and I can manage to do that first, and the thought and mission is complete… the things that catch my eye but are not observed long enough to become a complete thought are quickly forgotten… I mean come on, if I can pay attention long enough to finish my thought on a friend’s wall, there becomes no incentive for me to remain attentive. It’s like my brain suddenly has a party to celebrate it’s completion, CHECK MARK FOR THAT TASK! WAY TO GET THAT SHIT DONE! DONE AND DONE! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!

Facebook= ADD/ ADHD person’s worst enemy. Each session can quickly take a turn for the worst and the thought process becomes like a large list of incomplete tasks involving the pick-up and delivery process… Imagine 8 zillion TRAINs all get started at different starting times, and at different locations during the session all with 8 zillion different destinations and 8 zillion different sets of tracks that are all connected in the railroad system… The trains get confused and lost in the maze of 8 zillion tracks, unable to remember or pay attention to their individual track and task, due to the congestion of all the overlapping, forking, curving, tracks and the 8 zillion trains on those 8 zillion tracks. The trains end up being so lost and confused that none of them make it to their destination and they are all just lost in La La Land tugging along all the items that were suppose to be delivered and never receiving the supplies they were suppose to pick-up…… It’s an outrageous confusing mess of untied ends, unfinished thoughts and an uneasy feeling that there was something that was supposed to get done here mmm… maybe if I backtrack I can remember again…Think hard, how did I end up in this place? But before a spark of recollection appears, a different train runs right in front of your face and you forget what you were trying to remember. ADD/ADHD people should avoid overusing Facebook. The trains and tracks some fool built in these types of minds was not made for a quest on facebook.

“Facebook Stalking” is not considered a social norm. Thus, if you indulge in this habit, please refrain from referencing ANY information gathered from stalking someone on facebook…. The person will become uneasy once they find out the amount of information you know about them through facebook, without confirming it with them before considering it true.

Elevators are Life Ruiners

I live in a dorm. Regrettably. Part of my daily routine in the dorm is to, surprise, use the elevator on a very regular basis. Now, normally this would not be problem. Most people think elevator and they think “ah, convenience and simplicity.” Well, think again. There is a button in elevators that can be either a blessing or a curse. This button is…DOOR CLOSE. In most elevators, the button is quite effective. The elevator responds rapidly to your urgent pressing of the button. But in my elevator situation, this is not the case. I hold down the button for SECONDS, but alas, in vain. The door will not close on my command. You might say, “big deal, so you have to wait a couple more seconds to get on your way.” Au contraire. It’s not about that. It’s about the painfully awkward situation that occurs when a person is approaching the doors as you are frantically trying to close them. Few things are as awkward as a person attempting to bust into your elevator as the doors are beginning to close. The door close button is supposed to eliminate this situation. But, due to the complete lack of effect the button has on the elevators in my dorm, I am forced to continue on hoping, fingers crossed, that no one awkwardly approaches my elevator as it is waiting to depart.